An Email Message to All on This Christmas

by Ryan on December 25, 2005

in Anything Else,Culture,Politics,Religion

The following is a farce that I received from a friend via email today:

For My Democratic Friends:
“Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.”

For My Republican Friends:
“Here’s wishing all of You a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah and a Happy New Year!”

It’s very sad that some people would prefer the first salutation because it is “Christian-neutral.” South Park did a great spoof on taking the religious overtones out of this time of year. I even wished my Jewish friends a Merry Christmas… at least those who openly embrace the movie-going and Chinese-food eating traditions that go along with Christmastime in their Jewish household. I suppose I was just wishing them a very merry time watching King Kong or eating General Zhou’s Chicken, but the true spirit of Christmas can be found in the merriment and spirit of this time of year…

…as found in this simple credo:
Jesus is the reason for the season.”
Merry Christmas to all!!!

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