No Anderson Cooper. THIS Is She Who Must Not Be Named.

by Mike on June 8, 2007

in Anything Else,Politics

Anderson Cooper is actually pretty tolerable for a CNN journalist. Although he is clearly a liberal, I’ve recently had the sense that he at least tries to be fair. His program is also fairly substantive. Now that the compliments are out of the way, I have to take issue with his latest shtick.

Like just about every thinking person on the planet, Cooper seems to be sick and tired of hearing about Paris Hilton. In fact, Cooper’s fatigue with Hilton is so strong that he now refers to her as She Who Must Not Be Named. That’s a clever label but it’s as inaccurate as it is late.

She Who Must Not Be Named is the name long used to identify a woman so dangerous and repulsive that the mere thought of her attaining even a sliver of power is enough to create a sense of impending doom in the hearts of every decent human being on the face earth. The sound of her voice of frightens small children and innocent animals. Her appearance repels everyone she comes in contact with. Her vindictiveness causes all those connected with her to flee when they feel the earth move as she approaches. Her socialist agenda threatens the values shared by normal Americans across the fruited plain. She is in fact the woman whose heart is so cold that it turns every place she visits into a state of always winter but never Christmas. She Who Must Not Be Named is the name used for the former First Lady and current junior Senator from New York and has been for quite some time now. Wasting this nickname on inconsequential trash like Hilton does a disservice to those who wince whenever the real She Who Must Not Be Named is mentioned.

Perhaps Cooper uses this label for the skanky one because he was once referred to as “the Paris Hilton of television news.” Fair enough, but Cooper is not the Paris Hilton of television news and Hilton is not She Who Must Not Be Named. I happen to agree with Cooper that the Hilton media watch was too old even before it started, but that is why Hilton should be treated as She Who Must Not Be Covered. But that’s up to him isn’t it? The other name is already taken.

Photo courtesy of some brave Reuters photographer who now has to learn braille.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Ryan June 8, 2007 at 9:50 pm

Back in the day She Who Must Not Be Named, used to be named until Mike decided to refer to her as SWMNBN early in the history of this blog. His eloquent third paragraph explains everything.

As one of the original contributors of this blog, I am absolutely insulted by Cooper’s lame attempt to make a funny. It was probably something he heard at a dinner party and encouraged to repeat, but as Mike points out, doesn’t fit the object. Paris is a media savvy tramp who i think really knows what she is doing most of the time and obviously believes that the rules shouldn’t apply to her (most of my 16-year-old students act and feel the same way). In the end, if Cooper wants this story to go away, how about focusing on the schools and water facilities built by US and coalition troops in Iraq? How about an expose on how the Sunni’s have been joining us and the Iraqi military to attack al Qaeda? How about explaining the American people that the surge has pushed most of the bad guys out of Baghdad, even before all our troops were in place? No, he’d rather drink the CNN Kool-Aid, complain about his own stardom and line-steal in a wrong and inappropriate way. Shame on you Mr. Vanderbilt, shame on you!

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