Jersey Woman Seeks to Embrace New Levels of Fatness

by Ryan on March 18, 2010

in Anything Else,Comedy,Culture,Economy,Health Care,New Jersey,Politics

First Jersey Shore, now Donna Simpson?  2010 is a bad year for Jersey, but I’m telling you, while Jersey girls have their own unique kind of baggage, they aren’t generally that bad!

Speaking of “baggage,” by now you’ve heard the buzz about Donna Simpson, that 600 lbs. woman who’s aiming to be the world’s fattest woman ever by reaching the 1000 lbs./half-ton barrier.

That’s when your fat’s fat has a fat* problem!

She can’t walk 20 feet without assistance, she eats about 12,000 calories a day, and somehow thinks she’s healthy.  Hey, her boyfriend’s totally supportive… after all, he’s a “belly man!”  Her daughter’s a sweet little girl who’s going to be motherless soon.  Simpson’s an entrepreneur, though — she hosts a website where people pay to watch her stuff-her-face.  Apparently, that’s sexy (barf!).

However, Donna Simpson is such a great analogy for America right now.  She’s already so fat that “obese” doesn’t do it justice — there needs to be another word for people like her.  While already on the verge of death at anytime, she’s willing to double down and engorge herself to be nearly twice as fat as she is now, into world-record status.  Isn’t that like a nation with a $12.5 trillion debt deciding to put 1/6th of that nation’s economy under government control which they cannot even remotely afford?

America… Congress is turning us into Donna Simpson!

*Don’t like me using the word “fat”?  Try to catch me, then!

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